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Maintain Appropriate Boundaries
Boundaries were hard for me at first. They took so much effort to establish. And the maintenance? Geez! That took even more energy! And it’s all because I interpreted the saying, “you teach people how to treat you,” to mean “you give them the instructions, grade them on their attempts, and retrain until they get it.” Boundaries didn’t make my life easier. In fact, they just added more to my plate and created more friction.
It took me a while to realize boundaries aren’t rules about how to treat me that other people need to follow. And a long conversation isn’t required to get people to understand what they did wrong and how to correct their behavior so they can engage with me appropriately.
I came to understand that boundaries are rules for me to follow, personal policies if you will. They are decisions I make about my time and energy and resources. And they are based on standards I want to live by.
I’d love to say that once I shifted my perspective, establishing and maintaining them became a breeze. But that definitely wasn’t the case.
What I realized was how afraid I was to hold myself accountable to my own standards and set limits on my availability and accessibility. It meant that I was the one who needed to change my behavior by saying no to situations and people in order to protect my energy. It meant that I was the one who had to follow through, or walk away, or not pick up the phone, or not share as much of myself as I once did, among other hard decisions.
Establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries is the poster child of self-care. It’s a simple phrase and challenging practice. Until it’s not. And then, at times, it still is.
Maintaining appropriate physical, emotional, and personal-resource boundaries helps lighten our load, reduce friction, and keeps us aligned with the values that allow us to manage our momentum well.